My thoughts on suicide 

I have felt suicidal many times in my life, and in many ways its amazing I am still around. Since I was a child I have been prone to view the world and life in a very dark and cynical way. For me the way out have been to search for the splinters of the world that I appreciate and then hold on to them. I have been in groups on the internet for people that are anxious and depressed, I have seen many people there post their thoughts and concerns, and after a while I heard that some of them had taken their own lives. 

Many of these, often young men and women, spend a lot of time listening to music about how life sucks and that nothing has any meaning. They listen to groups like radiohead and the smashing pumpkins that convey a worldview similar to their own. I remember how I used to listen to the song “a tout le monde” by Megadeth and fantasize about killing myself, and about how my community would react If I did. But there is some irony that many of these people who create this music are living very happy lives making money by telling people that life is not worth living.

Does life really suck? 

The rants of the people in the internet groups I mentioned earlier, who later killed themselves, would often go something like this “my parents doesn’t care about me, I have no real friends, this whole world is false and filled with hypocrites and stupidity. There is no real meaning in life, no higher purpose, I don’t believe in heaven or hell, we are all just civilized monkeys on a dying planet floating around in a massive cold empty space. I have so much pain in my life and I just want it to go away. All my life people have been taking advantage of me, I don’t even have any love for myself, my life is useless, I am useless, and I just want to get out of this miserable existence as soon as possible”. 

In response to these rants there were often well-meaning people (mostly women) who answered with things like “don’t worry things will get better, there are people who love you, I care about you, If you just hold on things will turn around. There are good things in this world like cute puppies, ice-cream, a beautiful sunset and most of all love”. For some people (mostly other women) this kind of response is enough, at least for a while. But for many, this kind of response is as untrue and false as they perceive the rest of the world around them to be, and I don’t blame them!

Maybe the world is not as black and white as you perceive it to be, but to say that world is just a place of roses and sunshine and that things will just work out by itself is a load of shit. I am not going to sugarcoat it like many others do, If you want to hear that sort of thing don’t read this, but If you want an honest reply and think you can take it, then read on. 

The hard truth!

Maybe your parents really are assholes, that doesn’t mean that they don’t love you deep inside, but the truth is that some parents really are toxic to their children and to anyone else, maybe they were raised like that, or they are mentally disturbed, either way they are not very good people. This world IS full of hypocrites and stupid people that fuck everything up for millions of others. And most humans are like sheep just following the herd, there is a reason why this is a well used parable in the bible. Maybe we are alone in the universe, maybe there are no gods or spiritual truths to seek out, maybe all religious and spiritual people are just deluding themselves and this life here on earth is all there is.j

Life is fucking painful, for some of us its easier than others, but there is no way to totally avoid it, not for anyone, and for those who spend their life trying to avoid pain ironically often end up experiencing more of it than any other. Most people don’t give a shit about you!! Especially not people on Facebook whom you have never even met in real life. Most people are focused on them selves, and after that they care mostly about their immediate family and their closest friends, then they mostly pretend to care about the rest of the planet, just to gain praise from other people who also pretend to care. 

Most things are not going to get better in time, sure If you are sad because you lost someone, this can be easier to bear with time. But no one is going to magically appear to turn your life around and give you all the answers, sure you can seek out help from someone with knowledge, a coach, a psychologist or a teacher. But at the end of the day, only you can take the necessary steps to make your life into something else, waiting doesn’t accomplish shit. You feel that you are useless because you have done a lot of stupid and destructive things in your life, or you feel like a shit because you haven’t done anything exceptional with your life. Maybe this is true, right now you don’t have a lot to show up for. 

So what does all this mean? Should I kill myself?

So you realized that life is hard, the world is full of false people and false beliefs. No one, or very few people give a shit about you,  you’ve lost faith in yourself and in the world. This is a state of nihilism, but If you studied Nietzsche you know that it doesn’t have to be the end of the line. Actually it is a great opportunity and can be a springboard to a life of immense power, personal conquest and profound experiences. 

You don’t believe in the so called morality of your society, then fuck it, pursue another morality or create your own. You believe that the people in your life are full of shit, great! Then first work on becoming the man you want to be, then you seek out others like you and create your own community. You believe that organized religion is built on lies and self-deception, then seek out a spiritual path that you can believe in, or turn to philosophy like the stoics, read Seneca “on the shortness of life” or Nietzsches “Beyond good and evil”. 

You don’t like who you are right now and you’re ashamed of your past, then get of your ass and start to work on creating a life you can be proud of, not for your parents, your friends or your society, but for you! According to your own standards. This require some introspection, to who’s ideals are you measuring your life? If you don’t respect those that have imposed their beliefs on you since you were a child, then why give a shit about them? 

What life can be like when you pursue it with honesty, curiosity, courage and determination. 

There is only one absolute certainty about life that I can tell you, it ends! Death is the only equality there is, everyone die, no matter If you are rich, famous or the fucking Pope. You know that you will die eventually, so what is the point of ending your life now? Why not use this possibility to experience as much as you can, test your boundaries, se how far you can go and see what you can accomplish. Investigate every possibility, every philosophy and every belief in front of you. Lift weights, read books, climb mountains, experience the adrenalin of being in a fight, the pleasures of women, create a peace of art, don’t care what anyone else think about, just try yourself and find out what you can do when you put your heart and soul into it. 

You will experience set-backs, you will meet stupid and deceptive people, you will fail, some people will hate you and some will love you. But when you accomplish something great, created by your own efforts according to your own standards, you will experience an immense satisfaction. When you contemplate the mysteries of the life and the universe without blindly believing in other peoples stories and with an open mind, you will experience awe and curiosity. The kind of curiosity that you experienced as a child when everything felt new and full of possibilities. When you recognize that life is painful and you fight your way through the pain anyway, you will grow stronger and you will start believe in yourself and feel an urge of wanting to test yourself and to see how far you can go. Then at the end of your life when you feel the inevitable death approach, you will face it with a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that you lived your life to the full. 

What your life means to those who love or hate you. 

Maybe you will have children, in that case you can make sure that they get the childhood that you would have wished for yourself and become a worthy role-model for them, so that they wont have to experience as much pain as you have. Maybe you have a few friends or a sibling that you care about, you know that you are going to die some day anyway, why not push through to minimize their suffering from loosing you? And know that If you and try to pursue a life of self-improvement you might actually find something worth living and fighting for, why not take the chance while you can?

Some people, mostly young, take their life because of bullying. Maybe because their tormentors find them weird or weak or just different. Well according to me, people who are weird are the most interesting, they are usually the ones who are able to think outside the box and create art, philosophy, adventures and new ways of living that is actually worth talking and reading about. And some of the weakest people are with time and effort able to become the strongest. 

Why give narrow-minded insecure assholes the satisfaction of ending your life? Especially when most of these fuck-ups probably will end up living a mundane and meaningless existence. You can wave at them from your mountain-top when they are sawing away at their ordinary narrow 9-5 lives when you on the other hand stake out a life that only “normal people” dream about. 

What If I don’t deserve to live?

Maybe you have done a lot of really bad stuff in your life, you have cheated people, stolen or abused people in some way. Well If you are able to stop acting in that way ,what is the use of ending your life? Isn’t it more meaningful to learn from your wrongdoings, change your ways and contribute something to the world? If you just end your life it have all been for nothing. If you look at history you will learn that its full of people that have done horrible things but turned their life around to become leaders of nations, prophets, entrepreneurs and so on. People who spent time in prison used their time incarcerated to get law degrees, to build an amazing physique and to write books. The only thing to stop you from living a valuable life from now on is death, so why opt out now?

Is suicide always wrong?

No I don’t believe it is, many people I admire have taken their own life, like Dominique Venner who killed himself in the Cathedral at Notre-Dame in Paris as a protest against the politics in France, Yukio Mishima who committed hara-kiri after a failed military-coup in Japan, and a more recent example Slobodan Praljak who after being sentenced to twenty years in prison, took his own life in court stating that he is not a war-criminal. But all of these men took their life after a lifetime of accomplishments, they did it to make a statement, and in some of these cases because they saw no other honorable way out. But to take your life, especially at a young age, before you have really tried with all you got to make something of yourself is just tragic and serves no higher purpose. 

And at the same time that I admire these men I mentioned I can’t help to think, what If they hadn’t taken their own lives, what more could they have accomplished? That’s one of the problems with ending your life, it excludes all other possibilities. 

Annonser

From generation irony to generation iron! 

If I had to choose a characteristic of generation X and Y, it would be “ironic”. Its mostly prevalent in popular culture, like in sitcoms, music and fashion, especially among the so called hipsters with their little ironic beards and mustaches. Nothing today in the modern world seem to have any real value, and nothing seems to be worth taking seriously. Even what used to be the most serious institutions of our societies have been reduced to gimmicks and superficial artifacts of an age long gone. 

The churches are no longer institutions committed to fighting evil and saving souls, they are campsites for old people to play bingo and for performing rituals like weddings and funerals which almost no one believe in the intrinsic value of anymore. I guess the military still has some serious components regarding war and survival, but what do they fight for? Most Western democracies are not dedicated to a single people or culture anymore, they all have subscribed to abstract values like “equality” and “human rights for all” which translate to a belief in nothing. Like Mark Steyn says “If everything is of equal value, what the hell is the point of talking about it”.  

I am not saying that there isn’t any place for humor or sarcasm at all, I can appreciate good jokes and some sly sarcastic remarks in the right context, but when irony becomes a worldview and a way of life I believe it’s a poison for any society who embrace it. Most of all I believe irony has become a defense mechanism to avoid having to face uncomfortable truths. 

If you are overweight, you can joke about it and make it into a funny characteristic, much easier than having to go to the gym or changing your diet. You’re drinking to much and making an ass out of yourself every weekend, well who’s going to care in a hundred years right? Your country is turning into a home for degenerate soyboys and sluts, well it’s a free country and that is not my responsibility. 

And that’s it isn’t it? When everything is a joke nothing is your responsibility, and you can continue to work at your miserable job, eating at McDonalds and jerk of to internet porn and continue to live like the obedient and conformist little labrat that you are, and at the same time believe that you are a beautiful snowflake, in the midst of all the other enlightened atomized individuals that get the same Jokes that you do, and therefor also qualifies as good members in the empire of nothing. 

At the same time that most people are indulging in the meaninglessness of our society, I believe their yearning after something more authentic is equally prevalent. The “LARPING” as indigenous native-Americans, druids or Vikings in roleplaying games and fairs. Videogames about ancient Romans, knights and other games like Skyrim that takes place in the middle-ages in a time of magic, traditions and mystery. And movies like Lord of the rings, Gladiator and Troy keep reaping successes at the box-office. Very few realize that this yearning after heroism, magic, patriotism and adventure points to something real and crucial about our existence. 

Of course the depictions of a traditional life in movies and videogames are not totally true to how we lived in ancient times, most probably there were no real dragons or wizards or anything of that sort. But I do believe there used to be a more subtle kind of magic in our lives that we can sense by reading works like the old poetic Edda and the Iliad. There was a sense of mystery and awe when people used to listen to the old latin mass which at that time only the priests could understand and interpret. I believe that the pagan poetic descriptions of nature and powers of the universe created a sacred sense of belonging in a larger cosmic context.

When our stories focused on heroes of our people, like warriors, Kings and prophets (instead of soccer-players and actors) it inspired us to live greater lives ourselves, and that is the main reason we have reached the hight of our Western civilization, that now have become so safe and prosperous that it now have become a detriment. 

In ancient times we were forged by hard circumstances, If we didn’t grow we died. Its like that quote that says “strong men create good times, good times create weak men, weak men create hard times”. This cycle is not unique for our time, it has been what defined the rise and fall of many great civilizations before us, like the ancient Greece, ancient Rome and so on. It can appear that the attempt to forge strength and toughness in a safe and weak welfare state is a luxurious problem, but humans are wired by evolution to rest and indulge when we are safe and have plenty of resources, this is because in ancient times these circumstances were so rare that when they happened we had to take advantage of it. 

But when a human tribe exist in a constant state of peace and abundance like in Sweden, were we haven’t been involved in warfare for hundreds of years, then its almost inevitable that our people will grow weaker in both mind and body. In this perpetual state of perceived bliss we can also ignore the hard realities of life, like sickness, strife and death, at least until it hits us from nowhere, we can pretend that we will never again be afflicted by war or starvation or even death that eventually comes to us all. In this never-ending state that resembles something like an eternal Disney-world, things like preparing for war, ponder the meaning of life and tribalism seems like crude beliefs from a primitive time that is stupid or without meaning. 

But the perceptive segments of our societies knows that the Huns are still waiting outside our borders, waiting for the vast majority of our people to drop our guards and succumb to the weaknesses harbored by modernity, before they come in to wipe us out and take over, like they tried so many times in the past. Perhaps its still possible for some of us that are in our middle-age to be able to avoid the coming crisis long enough until we reach the end of our pointless post-modern existence. But as Guillaume Fay writes in “Convergence Of Catastrophes” we are now on the border of several existential crisis, these are ethnic, economic and ecological. Even If its still possible for some of us that are in our thirties and forties to dodge most of these, it will definitely not be a possibility for our children, which maybe can explain why more of our people take the cowards way out and choose not to procreate at all. 

But for those of us that still understand the realities of life and care about their connection to tribe, spirit and people and the survival of our descendants, it is bestowed upon us to forge a new generation of Iron instead of irony. We have to break our societies molding of soy-boys and sluts, warn about the imminent dangers that we face and set an example for the coming generations by living lives of purpose, strength and determination. We must reconnect to the hard lives of our warrior ancestors like the Spartans, the Vikings and the knights of old. We must reconnect to the gods, to the connections of family, tribe and people, and most of all to the fanaticism that can only come from the fight to survive. And make no mistake about it, this is a fight for the existence of our peoples. 

Being precent or living in the moment? 

Last week I burned my hand quite severely. It was an accident while cooking, I was tired, stressed, I was suffering from the flu, and I tried to do several things at once. The pain was immense but it was entirely my own fault, I wasn’t present enough to notice that I hadn’t turned of the stove. However painful it can seem to have an accident like this, it is nothing compared to the suffering caused by not being present in the long term. Let me explain.

Going to McDonalds can actually be quite a pleasurable experience, if your very hungry and not aware of the crap they put in their “food”. But if you go to McDonald’s everyday for maybe ten years and you start to suffer from diabetes and a high blood pressure as a result of it, it is actually the long term equivalence of me burning my hand on the stove. Because you weren’t aware of the long-term consequences of what you were eating in the present everyday for a long time, you caused yourself a lot of pain and possibly permanent damage to your health.

The false understanding of living in the moment. 

Today the concept of living in the moment have been commercialized and perverted beyond recognition. Now there are ads on television with modern-looking youngsters eating candy with a reassuring background voice saying “be in the moment”. You can hear some fat fuck at the bar telling his friend “hey man have another beer you gotta live in the moment” and so on. To be present does not equate with living frivolously. To be present is to be aware of cause and reaction as well as being attentive to what’s going on around you.

This concept is as stupid as the modern concept of YOLO (you only live once), I have heard people justify taking drugs with this motivation. Yes you only live once, so why not try to live as long and be as capable as possible so you can feel content with your life the day you will have to face the prospect of death.

Mindfulness means conscious presence. 

The concept of mindfulness have become very popular today with courses in mindful cooking, mindful sex, mindful studying and so on. In Swedish mindfulness have been translated into “Medveten närvaro” which means “conscious presence”. I prefer this term since it refers to its original meaning. If your really practicing Mindfulness on a consistent basis you don’t need special courses in mindful gardening, mindful masturbation or whatever, because you are trying to be mindful in everything.

The concept of mindfulness comes from Buddhism even if we can find similar techniques in Stoicism. Unlike what many people believe the Buddha did not mainly propose that his followers should meditate a few hours per day and then just go about the rest of their days mindlessly, he thought his students that their whole day should be a meditation. He told his students that they should meditate while walking, eating, having sex (if they werent monks) and even while taking a crap. To live in the present, to be mindful in its original context means to be aware of the realities of life, the laws of nature and most of all of death.

So be aware that life consists of the moment, that is all you have. Don’t numb yourselves with drugs or alkohol or television, that is not being in the moment that’s missing it. Life is short so make the best of it and remember – fucking YOLO!